I’ve thought about abandoning this blog. I’ve been gone too long. Who cares and who reads anyway? But the thought of one person reading and taking away something keeps me going. Just one person. This will get personal and maybe even uncomfortable. But I know without a doubt that I’m not the only one going through hard times. And some may even say that my hard times aren’t even really hard. But they’re mine and I’m owning them.
Christmas time was so fun and full of life when I was young. So many presents and meals and good times. Until a few days before Christmas when I was 16 and my Grandaddy passed away unexpectedly. I will never get over burying him the day after Christmas. He was a rock in our family. It took a long time to get over it. And now that I have my own kids, I work SO, so hard to keep Christmas happy and to keep them from being disappointed. But this year, Christmas is different again. I wish I could explain more but it’s not my story to tell. My own little family is fine but we are feeling the weight of loss and heartbreak right now. And while we are hurting, I’m learning the lesson again of the danger of making Christmas so perfect and unattainable that nothing should break it. But the fact of the matter is, I do try but it breaks.
So what do I do with this? I keep thinking of Jesus being born in the manger. Surely Mary thought differently of where the King should be born. I can only imagine how she probably tried to make everything perfect for him. But she couldn’t. And neither can I. All I can do is ask him into my broken manger. Into my broken heart. This big city is still not what we hoped and expected. But I ask him in anyway. My body is broken with a thyroid disease that was painful and scary and still I have to ask him in to help me carry on when I’m so so tired and weak. My kids make decisions that I wouldn’t and I ask him in. Our broken mangers.
Will you invite him in with me? Our pastor uses the following words when asking for the Lord to come into your life (for the first time or just again):
Sorry for going my own way
Thank you for dying on the cross for me
Please come into my life.
That’s all we have to do.
He’s not unattainable and he’s not waiting for perfection.